In 2021 life changed suddenly, and enormously. I had just turned 40, was an active Mum with two busy young boys; managing a home; putting everything into a thriving career, working full time as a Physiotherapist in the NHS, climbing the career ladder; and somehow, smashing it in the gym 6 days a week as well. The Covid-19 infection landed, and it didn’t go away. There was no way working was possible; I could barely walk around the block, let alone go to the gym; and my husband picked up the lion’s share of the parenting and home responsibilities.

I had a list of symptoms as long as my arm that massively impacted my ability to function and participate in daily life. Outwardly I looked fine, so people didn’t understand. It was isolating and depressing. Life was unrecognisable. After months of trying to “pick myself back up” and keep going, that resulted in crash states, something had to change. One thing I knew was that food was making my symptoms worse. So that was the start. Food. I spent the little energy I had on food planning and preparation. There was a noticeable overnight improvement in symptoms after the first day of eating differently. The internal “revving” I could feel in the body calmed down and restorative sleep was experienced for the first time in months. I was amazed! It wasn’t a cure by any means, but it was a start.

That was the first step. I found hope, found a baseline, and the crashes became less frequent. I hacked everything possible to make it work for the recovery back to health, embracing the wins and learning from what didn’t work so well. I tweaked and re-tweaked my routine time and time again, focussing on one thing at a time. Deep rest was built into every day through a regular meditation and breathwork practise. I started pulling some skeletons out of the closet and practicing self study. I leaned into my relationships and focused on what was important. To ask for help and receive help with grace was a big change in behaviour to my usual independent way of being.

Ironically, I was referred to my own service in work. Working with the team, I moved towards acceptance, consolidated a baseline and routine, and found the ability to move the body without judging and comparing to past ability. Finding baseline and sticking to it was a game changer. Living with respect to my baseline was making me better, but I knew I had to play the long game to gain the capacity and freedom I wanted. Making recovery the top priority, brought some hard lessons and sacrifices, like letting go of the completer/finisher mindset I had always lived with, and identified with. But the less I crashed, the more capcity grew. It was worth it. Soon I began a regular yoga practise. They were “big” small steps, and it was a place to build from, and so very slowly, I started to build my capacity.